Temeraire song once more, improved

[aletheiafelinea]

You remember that song which I keep badgering you with? It's a delight to inform you that one kind soul didn't run off screaming but enjoyed the song enough to take an interest in fixing what I made a mess of, that is the translation of the lyrics. Therefore, I have a honour and great pleasure to present you her fine work! My first try was here, and now you can compare how it looks with the proper rhythm and rhymes, by moth2fic's hand. Thank you, Ma'am! *lifts a glass in salute* :-D

Temeraire

The roar of her hundred cannon muted,
Stripped of her rigging and towed, not sailed,
She entered the pages of history
Still dignified, as the sunlight failed.
A Ship of the Line, named Temeraire,
Nevermore to be welcomed home,
Fell asleep at her journey's end
In a silent dock, unwanted, alone.

Ships of the Line, no longer used,
Sailed to ports of oblivion.
Masts no longer brush stars by night;
Only in memory cannon roar on.
No 'God save the Queen!' is heard from decks;
Nor the answering cry of, 'Vive la France!'
No more Ships of either Line sail
The Channel also known as La Manche.

Colours of flags forgotten are;
The Captains' roll-call is lost in the past;
Time has erased the names of ships
Whose wrecks in the ocean's depths are cast.
That Ship of the Line called Temeraire
Would not follow them to the sea floor;
At twilight she left on that final stage
To a place far beyond the cannon's roar.

Comments

[aletheiafelinea.livejournal.com]

I replied above before asking you, I apologise. So you wouldn't mind someone reposting?

[moth2fic.livejournal.com]

Of course they can repost!